Never ever give up, unless you’ve already given up
If you follow my husband and/or myself on social media, you probably think we have it made. You might envy us or applaud us for our seemingly flawless relationship. But as the adage goes, nothing is perfect. Our relationship is no different. In fact, it’s far from.
In fact, we have been together nearly six and a half years, and we’ve broken up a time or two (I even returned my engagement ring to the store!), we’ve fought endlessly, and we’ve seriously discussed separating. Then… when our fights escalate to the “d-word,” something clicks. We get mushy and annoying and emotional and clingy and the d-word becomes a distant memory.
Loved ones will always fight. One of my favorite quotes goes something along the lines of: Everyone will hurt you. Life is about figuring out the ones worth hurting for. This couldn’t be more true. Friends hurt you, family members hurt you, acquaintances can hurt you. Why would you expect any different from someone that has to tolerate you at your very worst, 365 days of the year, all day and all night?
Why would you expect that someone who has to share their personal space with you on the daily would not hurt you? And furthermore, why would you expect that someone who you have given your heart, someone who encouraged you to tear down barriers and walls, someone who has been given the key to your heart and has the ability to unlock that door at any time, wouldn’t hurt you? Everyone hurts you. Marriage is about choosing someone that makes the hurt worthwhile.
When my husband proposed to me over six years ago, we made a commitment to one another. To stick together through “thick and thin,” “sickness and health,” blah blah blah “til death do us part.” (“Me, you, and a box…”) You probably had similar vows. But, we meant them. We mean them. Do I believe in divorce? Sure. But I’m also pretty kick ass at finishing what I start (when I want to) and that was my intent with this marriage from day one.
In truth, there’s only ONE reason we have made it this far, and will weather the storm through eternity. We want to. Sure, we fight. Sure, we’ve made mistakes. HUGE mistakes. Sure, this poor man hardly gets any because I’ve stayed so sick for so long. And of course, I have to deal with his video gaming addiction! But, we will persevere for the simple reason that we want to be together forever.
The kicker here? We both want to. No relationship will ever work if it’s one-sided. I truly believe that with the commitment of TWO invested parties, with the perseverance of two stubborn people that will fight to be together, anything can work out. But with one person? You’re taking out half of an equation. In no universe (at least not that we’re aware of), does 50% ever equal 100%.
Strong relationships will falter, but it is in leaning on one another that they can progress. Do yourself a favor. If you’re in a one-sided relationship, leave. You’re not giving up. Someone else has given up a long time ago. Never give up! Unless, someone has already given up. (And if you never even had their heart in the first place, GO!) Then, there’s not much you can do but to do you.
Much love, and a shout out to my wonderful husband who sticks by me through thick and thin.